http://www.flickr.com/photos/assbach/280561228/
Photo by: assbach via Flickr
I recently had a major test when it comes to dealing with my anger, and I failed. I was having a conversation with someone and it escalated into an all-out verbal war. I lost my temper due to the fact that trying to have fruitful communication with this person is near impossible. Trying to be tactful and articulate is frustrating when being cut off mid-sentence, thus not able to produce a coherent thought explaining my opinion, and it evolves to the point of anger. Also add in the fact that when I do try to talk fast to get my point across, I start to stutter, resulting in mockery by the other person, fueling that anger more. Unfortunately, the Dharma went right out the window, and instead of exercising wisdom in dealing with this person, and practicing mindfulness, I drifted off the path.
Photo by: kausthub via Flickr
I decided it would be a good idea to meditate on loving-kindness, and develop the intent to be loving, kind and mindful even in times of being walked on and insulted. I am the one in control of my reactions, and it is my responsibility to respond with the proper attitude. Nobody else can control the words that come out of our mouths, it is up to us to be the filter from the thought to the action (word). I believe I learned from my mistake and will be using all of my conscious power to exercise mindfulness in dealing with this person and others with whom I may have similar encounters in the future.
If anyone has any words of wisdom, advice or techniques, comments are welcomed.
Metal Buddha 
I relate with you.
I too have felt so bad after completely loosing my temper. Doesn’t happen often, but when it does I feel guilty for letting myself be influenced by my surroundings to such a degree that I loose total control, and just see red.
We are being tested by the universe. And with an experience like this, we can grow. I have no advice for you, cause your heart, in my opinion, is already in the right place. Just keep on walking your current path, and you’ll have made the world a better place. You already have. I thank you for being you.
All I can think to add, what does sometimes help for me, if I am aware, is to have compassion for those I do not necessarily agree with. They probably just don’t know of better. Not to imply that my perspective is always right. Sometimes I don’t know better, and there and then, thinking about it, I’d appreciate compassion towards me.
Thanks for sharing.
LikeLike
Thanks for your comment! Yes, trying to exercise compassion when I feel slighted is one of the toughest things to endure, but that’s why I’m on this path, to become a better “me.” Thanks again.
-Brandon
LikeLike
Hi!
I just started reading your blog and it’s (still) amazing to see (or better: read) that other people feel the same thing when loosing temper.
Before setting my mind right I used to get REALLY … p.o.’d .. When I started changing myself I figured getting out of the room before the argument got insulting. I would sit somewhere on the floor for a few secondes, try to clear my mind and went back. Now all I need to do is think of sitting on the floor and it helps. Except with one person. I still haven’t found out how to deal with her…
LikeLike
Hi and thanks for reading. That is a good idea to take a breather before letting things escalate. Good practice of mindfulness you have there!
LikeLike